Titania is having plumbing problems again. It’s really no wonder, with a name like that – what were her parents thinking? Of course she’s going to turn out to be a veritable queen of the faerie realm, wonderfully skilled in things like making wild-harvested blackberry cheesecakes, growing bluebells and singing, but less than blessed in the arena of blocked drains.

Then again, who is blessed in that arena? It’s not exactly the land of milk and honey – more like the land of the rising stink and the toilet that won’t flush. But Titania seems to have more difficulty with it than most. No matter where she moves to, she can’t seem to escape the plague of the blocked drain. Oakleigh house? The bathroom sink was forever clogged. Preston apartment? The kitchen sink was a nightmare. That caravan in Fairfield on the grounds of what was essentially a haunted manor? That was the site of the infamous exploding sewer.

In short, the woman is cursed when it comes to drainage plumbing. Just about everything else about her life is utterly charmed, mind you, so I wouldn’t lose too much sleep over it. But the fact remains that she might be destined to be constantly on the move, unable to ever settle in a place for more than 6 months without some kind of disturbance to the piping.

Either that, or there’s something she’s doing that’s causing this to happen. Now that I think about it, that’s the more reasonable explanation, and it’s probably high time a pro was consulted for some hard evidence on what’s going on. What’s needed is a way of getting right to the guts of it, like with some sort of drain camera. Melbourne plumbers can do that these days, surely.

Every time another drain debacle goes down, Titania promptly moves away as fast as humanly possible on the grounds that this is her accursed lot in life. But what if that’s just concealing the truth? What if the problem is actually just her dishwashing technique or cleaning agent formula?