My Uncle Jim and Aunt Jemima are hatching yet another hair-brained scheme. This time, it’s opening up a bed and breakfast in Sorrento. They literally have no experience in hospitality, but they’re so pumped about the prospect I don’t have the heart to question them on their ability to see it out. Besides, Jim poaches a mean egg and Jemima has a gift for making margaritas by the jug, so maybe they’re onto something.

Their first port of call in the mission to make this happen is – drumroll – to purchase a property in the area. That’s right: they don’t have one yet. They do have a place in their sights, though, and they’re going to make a bid for it when it gets auctioned this weekend. It’s a sweet little wooden cottage that looks set to go pretty cheaply, which is great.

Unfortunately, the reason it’s going cheap is that it’s infested with all manner of pests. Termites are the primary problem (although it sounds like there’s also a possum comfortably ensconced in the roof as well). On the plus side, this information is out on the table because of a pretty thorough pest inspection having been carried out by the seller, who inherited the place from a distant relative and doesn’t live anywhere near Sorrento. Termite extermination, it has been concluded, is indeed required. But the infestation is a relatively recent addition to the property so, it won’t necessarily spell doom for J&J’s B&B.

I have faith that Jemima will see that this gets addressed, since she’s generally pretty detail-oriented. Jim, on the other hand, I’m not so sure about – he’d probably be happy to let the termites hang out until the structural damage became visible. I hope he doesn’t buy those flea-ridden mattresses he was checking out online. All things considered, I think they’d be well advised to do some research into pest management in the Mornington area.