Apparently, I’m on the verge of cancellation because too many people think my show is ‘mean-spirited’. Seriously? I mean, those awful hidden camera shows are alright, and all those channels on Me-Straw showing nothing but horrible prank videos, and my show is seen as mean-spirited? I mean, what’s so terrible about observing someone’s home for a few weeks, noting down several design flaws, then sneaking in without telling them while they’re away and fixing them? Of course, we film the whole thing, including their reaction when they get home and see that their comfortable existence has essentially been erased and replaced with something totally different. People are just oversensitive, I guess, or jealous of the success of Renovation Surprise!

We’ve been doing some great things with glass stair balustrades, Melbourne being a key hotspot for this. For example, there was a family who lived in this rather old home, and we could see through the window that their stair banisters were the annoying kind with big gaps. They had young children; what if the kids got caught in the gaps? So we asked a bunch of glazing companies in Melbourne if they’d come and help us transform this stairwell into something modern and chic. They all said “What? Without the homeowners’ permission? Uh, no.” That meant that we had to do things ourselves, but we did a great job. The family came back and filed some stupid complaint with the TV station, saying that the renovations ‘clashed with the decor of their home’ and ‘we had no right to break the lock and broadcast our vandalism on live television.’

The nerve of some ungrateful people astounds me. Now residential glazing services Melbourne wide are calling on the show to corroborate the complaint. Sure, we might have come to them for help in unlawfully accessing people’s properties (via the windows), but the point is, the the glazier companies didn’t want to help us break in and we didn’t make them do any such thing, so I don’t know why they’re all flustered about it. Maybe they think it reflects badly on their industry.

Well, what about my industry? So selfish.

-Lou