I’m starting to get worried about my job. By extension, I’m quite worried about my life. You see, in the year 3015, if you aren’t contributing to our society—run by the alien invaders of 2758—you get terminated. I can’t afford to be terminated. Apparently, it really hurts and then you stop existing. I’m not really sure what I’ve been doing wrong at work, but I overheard my boss asking one of the alien overlords something chilling. “How do I terminate a casual employee?” There aren’t many casuals at this pyramid-building business, so I’m worried that he was talking about me. I really don’t want to be terminated! There are a lot of ways my boss could do it, and they would all suck. I remember Zanfar, who had his insides turned to outsides. Then there was Trance, who got gooped. And, of course, Bob, who was pushed into a volcano to appease the angry lava beast.
That’s why I’m writing this blog post. I once read in a history book that you could get professional HR consulting in the Melbourne area, back in the 21st century. So, I’ve used the time travel blogger extension on my browser to send this post back to the past, in the hopes that someone can give me some HR advice. How can I avoid termination? I really like living and wish to continue doing it. I feel like my job performance has been pretty good lately, so is there something I can do to prove myself and avoid an untimely demise? Obviously, you aren’t aware of all our worker laws in the 31st century, so I’m just looking for some general advice that might be handy.
I’d really appreciate it if you could get back to me as soon as possible. The boss said something about the termination being due for next week, so I don’t have much time left! Help, HR people! You’re my only hope!